Category Archives: Movies

The Best & The Worst of Upcoming Action/Adventure Movie Trailers

Posted on February 24, 2010 | 6 Comments

Like some of you other media nerds, I like to keep a-breast (hyphenated on purpose) of any upcoming flicks worth shelling out to see. The Apple Movie Trailers website is a great place to do that – tons of previews, from indie to big-budget are posted there – and that includes some really goddamn AWFUL ones. After the jump, my top picks of some trailers for action/adventure movies that look pretty awesome – and some that make me want to gauge out my eyes with a spork.

Here’s the deal: the trailers might be good as their own separate entity, but I’m basing my judgements on how the movie looks in my extremely humble personal opinion. Humble pie.

Big Screen-Worthy


It is my duty as a comic book geekstress to see this movie in the theaters. I would engage in coital debauchery with the mere idea of this film. Period.


Duhhhhh.


Pew-pew! Boom! Jeffrey Dean Morgan! Chris Evans! Popcorn!

I love me some M. Night Shyamalamadingdong, and this one looks like it could be one of his best.

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Want more Netflix Queue-Worthy and Spork-Eye-Gauging Worthy trailers?

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The Happy Blogtime! Brief Bulleted Review: "Ninja Assassin"

Posted on November 30, 2009 | 1 Comment

In this poor economic state (and by “this” I mean “my”), I very rarely shell out the bucks to see a movie at the theater, so it takes a gem of a film to peak my interest enough to sacrifice what little disposable income I have (and by “disposable income” I mean “I don’t have any”). With Ninja Assassin, it was a complete given that I would see it in the theater – ninjas? assassinating people? assassinating other ninjas? Heck yes! The trailer boasted sweet fight scenes à la The Matrix trilogy’s Wachowski Brothers, a riveting storyline – a ninja scorned returning to his clan to exact revenge-by-death upon them – and a true taste of the tongue-in-cheek ninja films of Japan that I so adore.

What we actually got as the reel started turning? A clichéd American-style Europol “thriller” that happened to involve ninjas. The opening scene was indeed promising, with some seriously blithe and bloody slicing & dicing (almost Tarantino-style), but it only went downhill from there, with barely noticeable dialogue, uncharismatic characters (besides the lead, Raizo) and a deadly dull, unintelligent plot.

Pros
• Ninjas
• Ninjas
• Ninjas
• Main character Raizo’s (South Korean pop idol, Rain) hot ninja body.

• The fight scenes were well done: lots of ninja stars, swords, hand-to-hand combat and over-the-top gore.

• That’s it. Seriously.

Qualms
• The ninjas spoke pristine English – not even a Japanese accent. Would have been nice to create a sense of authenticity and mystery.
• The entire Europol story line – and it wasn’t even good as a movie in that genre. Couldn’t this just be about a ninja exacting revenge upon his evil clan?

• The Western clichés dotted throughout, even down to the hero carrying the female lead in slo-mo from a burning building.
• *SPOILER ALERT* Nobody really wants to see ninjas defeated – they are the epitome of stealth and combative talent. Defeatable ninjas kind of lose their cool factor.

Ninja Assassin gets 1.5 out of 5 ninja stars on my rating scale, five being the best.

What did YOU think??

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Posted in Movies, Reviews

The Happy Blogtime! Brief Bulleted Review: “X-Men Origins: Wolverine”

Posted on May 4, 2009 | 10 Comments

I know everyone’s pretty darn sick of reading reviews/hearing about the X-Men Origins: Wolverine movie, and I’m with you, folks. So as not to exacerbate that emotion, but to still share my opinion, I’ll give you a brief, bulleted review – Happy Blogtime! style.

*SPOILER ALERT*
       Pros 
  1. Great casting: Taylor Kitsch as Gambit, Will.i.am as Kestrel/John Wraith, Liev Schreiber as Sabretooth and Ryan Reynolds as Wade Wilson (pre-Deadpool transformation). 
  2. Naked Wolverine.
  3. The opening credits of the movie – Watchmen-esque and explained a lot in just a few minutes, especially the progression of Sabretooth’s growing bloodthirst.
  4. Admittedly sweet action scenes. The movie consisted of MOSTLY action scenes; this, more than anything else, was an ACTION movie that happened to cast comic book characters.
  5. Naked Wolverine, naked Gambit, naked Wade Wilson and naked Sabretooth. Oh wait, that was a dream I had.
  6. No real CGI abuse.
       Cons 
  1. Blatant story arc/factual inconsistencies with the comics: Silver Fox and Emma Frost are sisters? Sabretooth and Wolverine are DEFINITELY brothers? Deadpool has claws and optic blasts? Wolverine’s memory loss was….when? The Blob had an EATING DISORDER?? Bitch plz!

    UPDATE from Angie (Batgirl): Apparently “Deadpool” wasn’t even really Deadpool – Weapon XI was a clone, which is cleared up in a secret ending as a prep/lead-in to the upcoming Deadpool movie. This does (kinda) explain some things. 

  2. Although Kitsch looked great as Gambit, Remy’s signature, nearly-incomprehensible New Orleans accent was non-existent. And where’s that adorable little fedorah-thing he wears?
  3. The Gambit and Wolverine team-up is cool, but would never happen in “real life.” Both mutants are rebels and stand-alone fighters. For the movie’s sake, I guess it was necessary/cool….but not believable.
  4. Silver Fox is boring. And we don’t even really know it’s Silver Fox until the end credits.
  5. The dialogue was cheddar. I know they were trying to sound “comic-book-y,” but it came off real cheesy.
  6. There’s more. But I’m done complaining…honest.

Overall rating? 3 out of 5 SNIKTS!

Synopsis: This was an ACTION movie more than anything else. If you’ve never read the comics or don’t have a viable working knowledge of the characters, I think you’ll enjoy it. However, X-Men aficionados be warned – there are so many inconsistencies with the story and the characters in this film, you will most likely leave the theater seething.
No need to click “Read More” – there’s nothing else!

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Adri Leya vs. Cara: Movie Time!

Posted on August 26, 2008 | 3 Comments

While Lucy Vonne’s away for the most of the week, I’m been filling the void with my darling friend Cara – not that the cardboard cutout of Lucy Vonne isn’t doing the trick, but she’s really just so quiet. Today, both Cara and I had the day off, so we decided to have a movie marathon and pick one out for each mood. Turns out that Cara and I have drastically different taste in film.

Quick Mad Lib Bio on Cara: When Cara ________ here to New York from San Diego in May, she felt ________. She loves _______ and singing to her favorite _______. Her favorite food? _______ of course! She’s a beauty expert, certified hair colorist, and ______!

Click “Read More” to see Adri Leya and Cara’s movie picks for what everz your mood!

Cara’s Movie Picks vs. Adri Leya’s

When You’re Feeling Down:

Adri Leya: Requiem for a Dream. I like to keep the shitty mood intact by watching drug addicts and hookers destroy themselves to a killer soundtrack. I’m going to go cut myself now.

Cara: Dirty Dancing. When I’m in a funk, I like to get funky!

When You’re Feeling Romantic:

Cara: 50 First Dates. I find this movie easy to relate to, because I’ve literally been on fifty first dates. Unlike the movie, however, they’ve been with different men – and involve walks of shame and sobbing.

Adri Leya: Natural Born Killers or True Romance. Nothing says ‘I love you’ like psychotics on a killing rampage -and they do it together. Aww…why can’t I have that?

When You’re Feeling Silly:

Adri Leya: Pee Wee’s Big Adventure or Uncle Buck. I don’t consider you a friend if you haven’t seen either of these. Needless to say, gigantic pancakes make me feel great.

Cara: Dumb and Dumber. Because the Soup du Jour sounds delicious.

When You Feel Like Scaring Yourself:

Adri Leya: The Mothman Prophecies or She’s the Man. Oh, and that French horror film I saw in the artsy theater, L’Interieur. If you want to frighten yourself into speechlessness, pick up this winner.

Cara: I’m like a 5-year-old, so even some scenes in Disney movies still scare the shit out of me. We’ll play it safe and go with The Care Bear’s Movie.

When You Feel Like Being Cerebral:

Adri Leya: Momento. WTF is going on here? And on a serious note, The Fountain is one of my all time favorite thinkers.

Cara: The Usual Suspects and American Beauty. Kevin Spacey in both – coincidence? I think not.

When You Feel Like Watching a Chick Flick:

Cara: Steel Magnolias. Sigh. “Our ability to accessorize is what separates us from the animals.” [Editor's Note: Cara just pulled several quotes from this movie out of her ass - from memory.]

Adri Leya: Kung Fu Hustle, Boondock Saints or Reservoir Dogs. Ergh fiiiiine – you know me, I abhor chick flicks. But if I must, hands down, Mean Girls. That movie is so underrated.

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"The Promotion": Definitely a Renter

Posted on June 5, 2008 | Leave a comment

I’m not going to waste too much time talking about this movie, as I just spent an hour and a half of my life kinda wishing I was doing something else (like sleeping, or collage-ing something). I will say it wasn’t bad, like Nine Months bad, but it’s definitely a sign of a snoozer when, as the closing credits roll, you and your fellow movie-goer simultaneously say how pissed you would be if you had to have paid for it.

This Steve Conrad-directed film heads to the Chicago area to follow a good-intentioned, hard-working grocery store Assistant Manager named Doug (Sean William Scott). Told that he’s the “shoe-in” for a management position opening up at a new store location, Doug confidently decides to pursue a long-time dream of buying a house with his supportive, loving wife (Jenna Fischer). Enter Richard (John C. Reilly), a genuinely likable Assistant Manager transplant from a sister chain in Canada, who brings on some “friendly” competition for the Management role. Jealousy ensues, tricks are pulled, and both men discover their levels of morality and what they’re willing to risk for this promotion.

Why it’s a “renter” and not a “don’t see”: great acting, directing, and character development. These people made a story out of virtually nothing, and tossed emotions at you where you least expected them. Both mains were equally lovable, pitiable, and frustrating at the same time, and their problems were real. John C. Reilly, as always, was brilliant (I can never hate on Reilly – he looks like a Shar Pei), and flew with this role of awkward, flawed teddy bear.

The laughs weren’t constant, but peppered throughout the film a bit weakly – I would have liked to see more funny stuff more often. Though there were some chuckle-worthy phrases, facial expressions and situations, there were too few and none strong enough to balance out the tragedy (in the Greek sense).

If I had more time to analyze the film and appreciate whatever symbolism and character flaws were showcased, I’m pretty sure it would get an improved rating. But for now, my review is as stands: put it on the Netflix queue.

P.S.: Yes, I did see Sean William Scott; he was there watching the flick with the rest of us, eating a large popcorn. He apparently was not sharing his snack with whatever emaciated non-celeb girl he brought as a date. Damn skinny bitches; is that all you need to be to score a celebrity? Pass me the laxatives.

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Posted in Celebs and Brief Spottations, Movies, Reviews

SATC really not so FB

Posted on May 31, 2008 | Leave a comment


Just got back from a matinee showing in the Village of Sex and the City (if that’s any indication of how poor we are – $6 movies, hook it up!), and despite the fact that I had to shush the hormonal Spanish women shrieking in the row behind us several times, I must admit that the flick was enjoyable.The SATC Movie shows our old friends finally as grownups (it took, what – 50 years?). Some of the old broads have kids, some have husbands, and all have overpriced shoes, stinking wit, and pleasant drinking problems. I don’t know what all those cynical critics were griping about – the movie held true to SATC form and even went beyond by actually inserting emotion into the plot line. Perhaps that was the qualm – for years women have used SATC as an escape from the burdens of reality, into a world where shopping and lunching is an everyday occurrence, good sex is always just around the corner, and money issues never enter the equation. At least, that’s been my excuse to watch – a reverie about a life of minimal work, fabulous parties, tiny waists (no matter how many brunches or brews), and consequent-less trysts (genital whaaats?).

Besides the fact that Sarah Jessica has a disturbing penchant for wearing birds and other creatures on her head on and off the screen, the wardrobe was impressive. It doesn’t take much for us peon civilians to get excited and squeal in delight at any shot of a sparkly Manolo, or a Chanel dress, even though we’d probably never look as good in them. Ladies, take it from me, though the way to a man’s heart may be through his stomach, muffin tops are never on that menu, even if they’re wrapped in designer duds.

So what did I learn from this movie? The kid’s pack of popcorn is only $5.95 and it comes with a small soda and a small candy; boozing exorbitantly is the very best way to solve any problem; and most importantly, no matter how much a man shits on you, you should always take him back if you’re over the age of 40 – you got slim pickins’ after that.

Crap, I gotta go sign up for some dating sites and work on my eating disorder.

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