Category Archives: Found Hilarity

Ding! Unicorn’s ready!!!

No need to click “Read More,” there’s nothing else.

No need to click ‘Read More’ – there’s nothing else.

Lucy Vonne and I have reached a new level of friendship. We sat down, had a heart-to-heart, and decided to make custom cardboard standups of eachother so that when one of us is away, we can fill the void. Not to say that I won’t try to hump my paper doppleganger, or even Lucy Vonne’s (cardboard smells really good. Really good.). While we’re at it, we also decided to get a new roommate, and we’re now deciding between Fabio and and Lorenzo Lamas. Or both – one for each…ahhh, the sleepless nights to come!

Click “Read More” to see some of my favorite cutouts/masturbation fodder.

I hate to be a statistic (unless it’s like, top percent of hottest Jews in the country), but I can’t avoid this one. I am apparently one of the many, MANY Americans who could be categorized as geographically retarded. I’m not the type of person who can readily admit that I’m wrong (because, well, come on, I’m usually not. Ever.). But when scanning the interwebs the other day to catch up on the newsins, I saw the headline “Georgia: Russians Dropped Bomb on Village”; and I was like, whaaaaaa?? Why would Russia want to bomb Georgia? Were they put off by Ludacris’s last album? Were the last few batches of their peaches extremely mealy?

Click “Read More”…to read more!!

Turns out, Georgia is actually the name of an Eastern European country. Who knew? Here’s a blurb from a Wikipedia article on the place:

Georgia ([ˈdʒɔrdʒə] (help·info); Georgian: საქართველო, Sakartvelo), formerly the Republic of Georgia, is a transcontinental country partially in Eastern Europe and partially in Southwest Asia in the Caucasus region. It is bordered to the north by the Russian Federation, to the east by Azerbaijan, to the west across the Black Sea by Ukraine, to the south by Armenia and to the southwest by Turkey.The territory of Georgia covers 69,700 km² and is influenced by a temperate seasonal climate. Georgia’s population is 4.4 million in the territories controlled by the central government of Georgia, nearly 84% of whom are ethnic Georgians.

Now, as you news-watchers know, Georgia is involved in the South Ossessia War – a military conflict between Russia, Georgia and South Ossessia. Wikipedia also has a great, informative article on the war here. I watched a brief clip on CNN of President Bush addressing the situation, but all I heard were Charlie Brown woh wohs.

Not to make light of this devastating situation, but I found it disturbing not only that there was a war going on, but also that I had no effing clue this place existed. And that’s really embarrassing. What’s worse, is that not ONE of my peers knew about it either.

I guess the thing is that once we’re out of high school and college, nobody’s really feeding us any current events or geographical updates – it’s up to us as individuals to stay on point with the world. But with all the other important stuff we need to know (sample sales, Lindsay Lohan’s sexual preference, that weird rash on my neck), who has time?

I don’t mean to gross any of you out, but I had to share this with you – it’s one of those things that makes you want to propel yourself onto the floor and flutter your hands a bit, then vomit a lot. Everywhere.

Corneal tattooing has been used before for people that have had trauma to the eye, but never as a form of body mod – until this crazy Canadian mofo decided to turn the whites of his eyes to turquoise. Pauly Unstoppable, a Toronto resident, is the “brave” man who had a needle plunged FORTY times into his eyeball to turn it completely blue. Sweet jesus! This brings back memories of the childhood nightmare I had about carving a pumpkin and then accidentally stabbing myself in the eye. Shiver.

Click “Read More” if you can stand to look at the pictures.

[InventorSpot]

GAH!

DOUBLE GAH!

TRIPLE GAH!

Thanks to Jennie for turning me on to this hirarious blog about my fellow Jewmericans. I KNEW there was some reason I sweat Shia LaBeouf.

http://stuffjewishyoungadultslike.wordpress.com/complete-list/

Click “Read More” to see my favorite installment from the site: Denying That We Are White.

FROM: http://stuffjewishyoungadultslike.wordpress.com/2008/07/28/42-denying-that-they-are-white/

#42 Denying that they are White

July 28, 2008 by stuffjewishyoungadultslike

If you ask a Non Jew “What are you?” the likely response will be something like “I’m American,” or “I’m British.” On the other hand, if you ask a Jewish Young Adult the same question, the response will undoubtedly be “I’m Jewish” regardless of their nationality. In addition, if you ask a Non Jew about their ancestry, the response will be something like “I think my mom’s family is from Germany, and my dad’s is Scottish or Irish or something.” Conversely, any JYA will respond to the same question with an answer like “They were Polish Jews”, or “They were Russian Jews”, or “They were Moroccan Jews”.

Even though on standardized tests JYAs are obligated to check the “Caucasian, Non-Hispanic, including Middle Eastern” box, in practice the average JYA would prefer to check the “Other” box. Indeed, JYA “Jacob” says that he always writes in “Eastern European Jewish,” despite the fact that the available options make it clear that for the purposes of the survey, this additional information is irrelevant. This self imposed demarcation, with its anti-assimilationist undertones, is reinforced by countless academic articles written by Jewish Elders that further encourage JYAs to feel unique due to cultural, historical, or genetic “reasoning.”

When involved in discussions about race, a Non-Jew will be strenuously corrected if they make a statement that includes the JYA in the category of white, such as: “As white people, we look kind of stupid and racist quoting that Chris Rock sketch.”

“Oh I’m not white, I’m Jewish.” The JYA will correct.

Non-Jew “Christina” reported that her JYA boyfriend would explain his preference for warm temperatures by saying, “My people are a desert people.”

“It was weird though,” she recalled, “Because his grandparents were from Russia. And I was like, um, I don’t think there is a desert in Russia”.

Usually this racial obfuscation is as harmless as trust fund kids pretending to be hard up in Williamsburg while their parents transfer cash every month. But the invariable denial of Caucasianism, even though JYAs look at sound like White people, does leave one demographic group irked: Non-Ashkenazi Jews who actually are not White.